Welcome;
to my house ;)
2.jpg)
♥
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Sunday, June 10, 2012
fighter. @ 7:50 PM
it has been 3 days.
you're strong.
like uncle said,
you really are a fighter.
shocked all of us but you kept going on.
you know we were there right ?
i don't want you to go,
but neither do i want to see you suffer.
don't be afraid.
stop trying when you ran out of energy,
when you can't stand any more sufferings beyond your limit.
the 3rd place they poked you today.
and i saw you jerked when they poke you.
i bet it is very painful.
your right hand is swollen.
how can you endure such pain ?
i just don't want to see you suffer anymore.
i can't bare to see you like this.
it hurts.
it hurts very much.
i could've been better,
but i didn't.
i'm sorry.
thanks for holding on,
thanks for fighting in such pain.
just tell us if you wanna go.
i don't want you to go alone.
like him.
i don't want you to be lonely.
i really wish i could ease your pain.
i would do anything.
and how i hoped time could rewind so i could have treated you better.
but there's nothing i can do now.
i'm so sorry.
Labels: ache
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Friday, June 1, 2012
天空在哭啊 @ 7:47 PM
看著你 還真的不知道要哭還是要笑
聽你講東西
真的想哭
一直看著天空
講話都在震
你 應該發現不到吧..
才發現其實我一點都不懂你
原來我以為我瞭解你
其實我甚麼都不懂
但是有一樣東西我確定 和我討論的那個人錯了
但是 還是真的很抱歉
原來你也很痛
只是我沒顧慮到你的感受
一天到晚只是希望自己在痛的時候能的到你的安慰
但是沒想到 如果你痛的時候可能
或許也想得到我的安慰
那是如果你想得到
但畢竟 我甚麼都不是
完全一個身份都沒有的人
有甚麼資格這樣覺得
抱歉 是我太自戀了
真的很對不起
我不會關心人
我也不會安慰人
找我 都是廢的
總有一天
我會找到李大仁的 對吧 ?
該放的 真的是該放了
很捨不得
很感激你.
Labels: ache
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Wednesday, April 18, 2012
infinity . @ 6:34 PM
ten days since i blogged.
& i bluffed.
this post aint gonna be the b'day post.
still editing the pictures though there are only a few of them.
oh & i'm having FBRS pending post :)
really can't put myself together lately.
lack of sleep every single day.
i slept at least 2 hours in school this week.
i'm lazy, tired, undetermined, unmotivated.
i really don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
sigh.
and you,
i just pray for pray friendship to last as long as forever :)
& mammi,
sorry i'm not there by your side when you're going through some hard times.
i'm not observant & caring enough to feel your pain.
i'm so sorry.
you've been treating me so well,
i can feel your love for me,
but i can never do the same.
i'm so sorry.
but please do know that i love you a whole lot,
& i appreciate you super much.
thank you :)
Infinite's Be Mine japanese single has released today.
3 versions of them.
why is japanese albums always so expensive :(
& so happen all of these versions include 8 photocards.
i want all 3 sets of them.
really beautiful.
but if i'm getting one,
it would be the innocent version :)
SOLID VERSION
POP ART VERSION
INNOCENT VERSION
something i really look forward too :')
you really don't know my heart beats for you right ?
Labels: ache, excited, Infinite, jjong
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Sunday, February 26, 2012
exhausted, @ 12:20 PM
in every single way.
exam's here.
i'm procrastinating,
all the way procrastinating.
my money have been draining out from my pocket,
& i really don't know where they had flowed to.
Block B's situation is bad.
they are really taking it too far.
PO has been hospitalized.
come on.
he is only 19,
just like us.
they have apologized,
Zico even shaved his head,
all the apologies written,
with a video apology released,
where they never even held up their heads,
so what you netizens want some more.
how on earth could you all ask them to die,
with those sucide petition .
must be so cruel ?
disband petition is bad enough already so wtf you all want more ?
just leave them & their family alone.
you all don't know their style.
so playing around costs this much.
they are a free spirited & carefree group so why you all have to make everything so big.
smile again please, Block B :'(
and about you,
yeah i kinda dislike you now.
you could have just admitted you directed those words to them,
instead of stabbing them in their back.
and to you all who think what he did is a small deal,
you all really don't know a thing,
& yet wanna talk so loud & big.
funny because you all read my tweets and assume what he did.
just get the situation right first.
everyone has their own opinion, i'm not saying anything,
but i'll just stand firm on my views.
B2ST have been enjoying their concert tour,
seob even take selcas with a fan's phone in the shanghai's tour T.T
WHY NO BEAUTIFUL SHOW IN MALAYSIA :((((
Infinite's EDIQ's photos are so beautiful :")
make sure you all come okay !
B.A.P is awesome,
really can't get my eyes off Zelo & Dae Hyun.
i promise i won't be like this over EXO.
WARRIOR
can't stop playing in my head.
& SHINee,
oh SHINee please comeback already.
so many shawols have been leaving this fandom.
:(
but i know i will stick through this with you all,
& then i can proudly say i survived the wait :)
okay off to doing some productive stuffs,
& probably going for a jog later :)
Labels: ache, daily's, thoughts
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Sunday, October 30, 2011
義 . @ 4:44 PM
人生里
有多少次一个人
可以觉得自己蠢到不能再蠢的地步 ？
今天终于都尝试了这个滋味
一点也不好受
想回那一次
我还真的单纯的以为你想知道
原来不是那样的
直到今天 那个人开口
我顿了几秒 才知道现在是什么状况
我就这样 把我要守护的人的事情 统统都说了出去
对你来说 应该是很小的事
但是 在我眼里 成分很大 很大
我就这样 背叛了我最要守护的人
还害到她名誉受损
你可能会觉得那样不算是背叛，
那么小的事，怎样算得了背叛 ？
对我来说 这样小的东西，
正是背叛的起点。
听你那样讲她，
我真的真的很想扁你
就这样听了你不喜欢的事
就可以那样判断一个人吗 ？
王八蛋你真的很犯贱 。
可我也犯贱啊
一切都是从我口而出的
都是我的错
现在想
他说不要跟我讲
你就真的没有跟我讲，
问我一大堆有的没的
我真的以为 是你想知道
所以才告诉你
但是我知道都不是你的错
你只是在帮他而已
但是，
我很还是很痛 很酸 很失望
我真的有被耍了的感觉
你一定会觉得很好笑
这么一点小事我都要计较
对
我就是这样的人
白羊座的人，
不喜欢很复杂的事情，
也很爱记仇
我就是这么一个人
他妈的
我真的很讨厌自己
真的很讨厌
为什么会看不出
感觉上我是一个被玩着的东西
你那么厉害
为什么要问我
还有你要知道的话，
一定要叫别人问我吗
自己没能问吗？
去你的
一个事件，
我看透了 人是怎样可以那么双面
妈的
现在搞得我真的没有一个真心朋友了
如果她知道后
很生气我
我真的是一无所有了我真的不要那样
她不再信任我的话我的世界就能这样毁灭了
对不起， 真的对不起。
现在想回几年前的事，
我就是那样被背叛
我真的很死哪一位朋友
现在我就像那一位朋友
这样地对待我想守护的人
我
我真的很恨自己
義
就是那么重要
一旦失去了
你永远都没门找得回
阿bern 谢谢你 :')
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Thursday, October 6, 2011
Steve Jobs. @ 3:35 PM
the colourful Apple,
i remembering seeing it's sticker when i was a little kid.
:)
so when i was cheering about Apple's iPhone 4S yesterday,
there's millions of people over the world weeping.
yes,
Steve Jobs,
Apple co-founder is dead.
i was in school this morning,
and my friend was reading on his phone.
and suddenly,
he told me,
Steve is dead.
i was like "what ? are you joking ? "
and nope,
it was for real.
i was so shocked,
and i really couldn't take it.
could not.
i felt so bad.
i never knew.
i should've known.
i really wonder what time did it happen,
and what was he thinking at that time.
After he had diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in mid 2004,
i wonder how he felt.
i wonder how he can keep on living without giving up hopes.
i really wonder what made him so strong,
to be able continue to do his work.
and because of him,
Apple has been really successful.
not only Apple,
but we too,
have lost a visionary,
a creative person,
and an awesome being.
all of the gadgets wouldn't have made it without you.
thank you Steve.
may you rest in peace.
we will remember you always.
i'll miss you :(
jeszlynn.
Labels: ache, Apple, death, Steve Jobs
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Wednesday, October 5, 2011
my Pride. @ 8:10 PM
i used to have accounts subject as my pride.
i'm not better than anyone at it,
but i'm just satisfied & happy that i'm able to do it.
i felt that i've achieved something whenever i'm doing accounts homework.
Accounts has always been the best subject among all that i'm taking.
although i don't score like how people did,
i call accounts my pride because i can do fairly well in it,
well at least i can maintain it's result,
until TODAY.
i didn't do well
or should i say i didn't do at all ?
it was seriously crap,
and i really curse myself for that.
for the first time,
i felt
so sad,
so angry,
so miserable,
so depressed,
so frustrated,
because i can't answer an exam paper,
which so happen to be the accounts paper.
i felt like crying.
i can't start writing the answers,
because i do not know where to start from.
i started the 1st question,
after a few lines,
i skipped to the 2nd,
then the next.
i didn't even complete a single question.
i can't feel my confidence.
accounts used to be the paper i have the most confidence on,
but after today,
not anymore.
i feel like tearing the papers a part.
i was really angry.
can't stop asking why.
i studied,
i read.
but i can't start doing.
this really affected me much.
人生攻击 i shall say.
i've never felt more fail than this.
sigh.
but it;s over for now.
hope it's not gonna bother me anymore T.T
ooh and a happy joy of the day,
the long anticipated iPhone 5 is NOT out yet,
but apple came out with iPhone 4S,
which is super smart in it's own way.
SIRI is awesome.
and the iOS5,
woah.
iOS5
SIRI !
and now i know,
there's white iPod touch coming.
omo !!
such a beauty >.<
and that's all for today ;)
super bek cek cause my iPod touch's ios is unable to update.
sigh :(
jeszlynn.
Labels: ache, Apple, daily's, tech
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Friday, September 30, 2011
안단테 ♥ @ 4:06 PM
Andante.
*super love this song. awwww*
changed classroom today ;D
our class is now in the pre-uni block.
same goes to all the other form 6 classes.
haha
but it's just temporary only,
cause PMR students are having their test next week
*shynn fighting !*
and us form 6-ers are super loud,
so teachers made this arrangement so that the PMR students can answer their papers in peace.
lol
not only the PMR students are having test,
we're having my finals as well next week.
-.-
it's just too soon.
why la bring forward a week.
it was scheduled to be on the 10th actually.
hmmm
i'm hoping to survive with at least 3.0 .
i don't hope to flunk my papers,
but at this rate,
er...
i doubt i wouldn't.
ahh someone save me please T.T
probably i'll be up here when finals are over.
Good Luck everyone !
Infinite's comeback on M!Countdown ! on 29/09.
the boys are awesome <3
보스를 지켜라
and Protect the Boss ended.
though i'm still waiting for the last subbed episode.
i'll miss you happy people.
all of you have brought me great joy.
thank you Ji Sung, Choi Kang Hee, Kim Jae Joong, Wang Ji Hye,
& PTB's crew.
you've just joined
i. My Girl
ii. My Lovely Sam Soon
iii. My Sassy Girl
in my fav drama list.
i just love this genre of dramas.
awesome <3
PROTECT THE BOSS,
BEST AMONG ALL
♥
jeszlynn.
Labels: ache, daily's, life, Protect the Boss
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011
지켜줄께. @ 5:36 PM
it reads i'll protect you.
this is a song sang by Kim Jae Joong for Protect the Boss's OST.
:)
i'm currently watching Protect the Boss since i've finished City Hunter.
i'll write my review on it once i've finish watching it.
for now, there's only 4 episodes of it.
i'm watching this drama,
because my dear Jae Joong is one of the character in it.
not a small character,
but an equally important one.
how i love the way he talks,
and the way he acts.
and this is only his first major drama for Korean television.
Jae Joong ah,
you have improved so much already !
can't believe i'm able to witness your success :')
i'm just so proud of you.
Kim Jae Joong as Cha Mu Won.
*jjang !!!*
still can't get used to his black hair colour.
lol
as for the song,
every single time i hear it,
i'll cry.
i can't hear it without crying.
Jae Joong's voice is just so beautiful,
like an angel.
and this song reminds me of TVXQ!.
reminds me of the moments they had together,
reminds me of the laughters they shared together.
it's not there anymore now.
but i know they'll be back.
i'll protect you.
it's just like Jae Joong singing to Yun Ho,
& also to all of his band members.
i'll protect you.
:')
눈뜨고도 널 바라보지 못해
I can’t look at you even when I have my eyes open
지친 추억에 흐려진 너의 맘을 난 찾지 못해
I can’t find your heart which has become cloudy amongst the worn out memories
많이 울고 지쳐 더 이상 못해
I can’t do more because I’m tired and cried too much
생각해도 너를 보면 괜찮을 것 같아
No matter how much I think, I’ll be okay when I see you
지켜주고 싶어
I want to protect you
너의 잘못된 나쁜 버릇들까지도
Even your bad habits
힘든 날 웃게 만드는거야
make me smile when I’m tired
좀 힘들겠지만 널 사랑해 라고 말도 할거야
Although it may be difficult, I’m going to say that I love you
먼저 내 품에 오는 날까지
Until the day you first come into my arms
웃지 못해 웃어도 기억 못해
I can’t smile, I can’t remember even when I smiled
오늘 하루도 꿈처럼 눈뜨면 사라질 것 같은
Today also feels like it may disappear like a dream when I open my eyes
널보고도 곁에 없는 것 같아
Even when I see you, I feel like you aren’t with me
표현이 서투른가봐 널 사랑하기엔
I guess I’m still awkward at expressing my feelings to love you
지켜주고 싶어
I want to protect you
너의 잘못된 나쁜 버릇들까지도
Even your bad habits
힘든 날 웃게 만드는거야
make me smile when I’m tired
좀 힘들겠지만 널 사랑해 라고 말도 할거야
Although it may be difficult, I’m going to say that I love you
먼저 내 품에 오는 날까지
Until the day you first come into my arms
혹시 다른 온기를 찾아
Will you perhaps you find a different warmth
내게 떠나가 행복해 할거니
and become happy when you leave me?
그래도 널 보낼 수 없어 baby
Even so I cannot let you go baby
죽기보다 더 아플 텐데
It’s going to hurt even more than dying
내가 널 사랑해
I love you
다른 누구도 아니 네 앞에 있잖아
I am in front of you and not any other
내가 니 손을 잡고 있잖아
I am holding your hand
누군가의 품에 줄 수 없어 애써 웃고 있잖아
I can’t give you to anyone else arms
보낼 수 없어하는 맘을 왜
My heart can’t let you go….why
TVXQ!,
i'll be here protecting the five of you.
we cassiopeias will never leave you all alone.
we will never give up,
we will be keeping the faith until the very end.
TVXQ!, we will protect you.
When the five of our voices come together,
there is a special something there.
That is something that I know.
- Jae Joong
Labels: ache, aktf, loves, Protect the Boss, TVXQ
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Saturday, May 14, 2011
my beloved hair. @ 9:47 PM
i love my brown hair.
i really do.
but for the sake of school,
i dyed it black again.
and this is super black.
i used 1/2 a bottle,
& put it not longer than 10 minutes.
and it's black like charcoal.
so i am depressed.
very depressed now.
i stand far from the mirror every time,
& i saw my very black alike hair.
so i walked near to the mirror,
& there i see my hair shines under the light.
the reflection of my hair in the mirror never failed to make me happy.
:)
now i try it with the mirror.
& it doesn't glows anymore.
it's so black.
& it's making me feeling so so so sad.
i'm praying for it to fade.
even it's just a little.
i really hope to see my shade of brown.
:(
my mahogany brown hair,
i will mourn you.
this, is my love for you.
jeszlynn.
i really want my brown back.
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Yesterday. @ 8:48 AM
Yesterday was like hell.
First they asked me to find an invoice that never exists,
because they have never printed it out.
Second, I get blamed for sending the wron invoice.
I actually doubted that I send those invoices, and someone just yell at me.
from this first day of work,
this job has already been testing my patience.
sorry I have a super low level of that,
so you can't blame me for getting angry and mad.
when I do the right things, none of you showed thanks.
probably they feel like it's your job..
we paid you for it or whatsoever fine.
when you all can't find anything,
I'll get the blame because I am the one who does the filing.
everything is my fault.
This job sucks to the max I tell you.
like a living hell.
Heard so much of how all of you say that you all get blamed everytime,
i think I fit in the situation when I get blamed every single moment.
it's tiring.
I've been working ever since my holidays are here.
I just take a week of with my grandparents.
I did not enjoy my life.
All I've been waiting for is 12.30 pm and 6pm.
When 6 pm comes,
I feel so so happy cause today is done.
I look forward to going home everyday now.
When it comes to 11pm,
I'll start going depressed again.
because there's work tomorrow.
My table was never cleaned.
It's piled up with so many papers.
anyone would go crazy sitting at that table.
I just can't describe how happy I am because form 6 is starting already.
The leap of joy ;)
jeszlynn.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011
momentum. @ 9:39 PM
i have yet to blog about the few events i wanted to blog about.
i'm so sorry about that.
i'll possibly drag the posts till some other time,
as the pictures aren't ready yet.
well,
this is just a recap of how my week had gone like,
in a super fast way.
time flies so dreadfully.
and still,
i'm feeling that last week's events happened like a few months ago.
my, i'm going mad :)
March 20th.
had my first bday celebration with Alor Akarians in Just Relax.
March 21st.
my 18th b'day. had 2nd celebration with the Afzaners at the beach.
March 22nd.
nothing much. just that i cut the cake mum had bought for me & being nervous for the whole day.
March 23rd.
results day. cried, smiled, spent most of my time with the Afzaners, quarreled with mum, went out with some Alor-Akarians at night.
March 24th.
on leave. yay. want to school, fetched sisters to/back from tuitions. problem solved between mum & me. went yc with Alor-Akarians at Tea Time, then yc with Wen at Old Town.
initially wanted to go to Jess Cafe. didn't know it was closed at night. lol. did my board for Fahrenheit till 3am. yeah.
March 25th.
went to KL with Wen for Fahrenheit's event. super long story will link the post here when i'm really done with it. the moment was freaking amazing. everything was worth it. totally worth it.
March 26th.
my eating marathon starts form 9 till 11 plus. yes i think Wen is sacred. hahah we fed her so much. well then i slept the whole day, & watch the 1st epi of Criminal Minds S6.
March 27th.
Cheng Meng day, family-bonding day ;)
March 28th.
back to work again. went yc with Afzaners at Just Relax at night.
March 29th.
worked half day. &, my maid is gone.
yes she is gone.
this is just too sudden.
it's shocking.
i feel bad and sad.
i don't know what to feel now.
she's not a bad person.
she's just to naive,
& believe what other people say very easily.
she's kind hearted.
she didn't intend to leave us.
well at least not at this time.
everything is not in order.
dad is not at home for the night.
i'm scared.
i just feel sad,
when i didn't see any lunch cooked this noon.
yesterday's meal was the last,
& i didn't really really taste it.
i just feel sad,
when i look at my bed.
it's not tidied. it's in a mess.
yesterday, was the last time she would make my bed again.
i feel that i didn't appreciate her well enough.
i didn't really treat her well,
because i just feel angry when she keeps on talking to outsiders,
even though mum has told her so much about this world.
yes now she is gone for good.
i wonder where she is.
i wonder how is she now.
she's too naive & innocent.
everything is just too much for me to take.
T.T
all i can do,
is just to pray for her safety,
& also ours.
who knows what had she done behind our backs.
well,
all the best & stay alive.
jeszlynn.
i'm dead tired.
credits : tumblr
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Thursday, March 3, 2011
Disastrous; @ 7:54 PM
moment. that. happened. to. me. so. far. was. just. now.
omfgawd.
it was a happy morning.
yes it was really a super happy morning.
well i picked up my package at the post office,
happily viewing & exploring my beloved CD.
i was so excited.
finally here came Infinite's Evolution.
i had a nice day at work,
time really flies,
& unknowingly,
it's 6 already.
as i hopped in mum's car,
the first thing i did was inserting the CD,
& it the songs played throughout our journey,
from work, then sister's tuition, then McD's frive-thru, then home.
oh happy times.
as we reached home,
i ejected the CD,
& i was getting the cover to store the CD when i realized it wasn't there.
D:
yes it freaking wasn't there.
i searched high & low,
& then i guessed it was back inside the cd player.
well it wasn't a big deal.
so i ejected again waiting for it to come out,
and here came the disaster -.-
it just wouldn't come out, no matter how.
omg.
even after my mum took the key out from the car,
the songs of the CD kept on playing.
it was scary.
i spent almost 30 minutes trying to get the disc out,
even though i know it was an useless effort.
so now the CD is still in the car,
& hell yeah i know it is all fully scratched for sure.
i am really super sad.
i haven't even have the chance to take a good look at the CD.
:(
i really do the CD will come out by itself asap,
with it still functioning.
my heart is just aching so so much :(
seriously idk why i can't stop whining about it.
i just don't know why i really can't stop felling pain & sad.
it'll eventually come out i know,
but i really can't stop feeling so miserable.
gosh.
so near yet so far.
how to not cry.
D:
jeszlynn.
have. to. be. more. patient
credits : tumblr
Labels: ache, disaster, Infinite, moody
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Monday, February 28, 2011
today; @ 8:18 PM
is the last day of the month.
so fast we're stepping into the 3rd month of the year.
yes this year is passing freakingly fast.
i went to Gambang Waterpark yesterday.
it was really a blast,
five of us playing together.
:)
but i'm not blogging about it now,
my mood is very much dead today :(
maybe tomorrow,
or later at night, i'll share about it.
Working hours was like a living hell today.
yes it is the closing for the month,
all of them had to rush like mad.
& i got instructed & directed like a maid.
-.-
that is super annoying.
i have my own job to do,
but whenever they ask me to do something,
i just can't say no.
because i'm the temporary clerk there.
& i get frustrated whenever they ask me where is this thing,
or where is that thing.
hello ? whatever you all gave me is all there.
if it's not, although it's not my problem,
but i have to take all the blame since i am handling the papers.
damn.
i think i really need a break.
i had enjoyed days in this brand new year,
but my time is limited,
due to the fact that i'm working.
i'm dead tired.
well after work,
i really do expect some time to relax.
but the fact that mum had took 1/2 day's leave,
brought sisters to ECM after the bank just annoyed me.
it has been so long since i stepped my foot into that mall.
luckily a friend brought me & another friend there for a while that day.
but that's not the point.
when i ask her why did she brought them today,
she just simply said that she's on leave & they wanna drop by the mall.
what happen to me asking mum on Friday's night to bring me to the mall ?
she just said,
oh your sisters are having tuitions.
oh well then.
she just can't give them the same excuse she gave me.
probably saying your sister is at work to both of them will hurt them much.
so what about hurting me ?
& there she started to say i am selfish,
i very 小气,
& she don't like my attitude like that & stuffs.
it just frustrated me.
& there she started to say i've been going out with friends every weekends,
but she didn't say a word about it, etc.
of course i will hang out with my friends,
since you don't even wanna bring me.
waiting for you is like forever.
so what about going out with friends ?
& there you started to say again you intended to bring us last night
but me & sister are having class.
well i guess you had the idea of bringing us when the other sister kept on bugging on wanting to go to ECM.
this,
is just so bloody unfair.
whatever it is,
i'm done with it.
done with the drama everywhere.
i'm so through life.
and now she is talking about me again.
super blasted.
you should really reflect upon yourself before even complaining,
& judging me.
the more you thinka bout it,
the more you complain about me.
what about me ?
the more i think about it,
what can i do ?
i cry alone.
and now i am just blasting my speakers of just to cover your so irritating voice.
if you noticed,
i had been listening to your craps.
fml.
credits : tumblr
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