and i'm wondering if this will be the last post before i end that big bomb lol.
so i wonder if i'll be on a 100 days hiatus.

to be frank,
the fear found me.
oh yes T.T
i'm scared but i don't feel stressed.
and irdk where to start from.
well hao peng you had been helping me out, *much thanks*
but still i don't think it's enough.
i'll fail everyone. that's what i'm afraid of.

the voice is different.
guess i haven't really recover.
sigh
there's so much to read, to do.
but i can't stop procrastinating.
then i have so much to worry about.
things that are none of my business,
yet i worry about them, All.
then i'm still afraid i'll make people upset.
or if people are upset, and i'll go thinking shit what did i do wrong,
when there is nothing got to do with me.
even so, i feel guilty.
why am i living like this now someone please tell me.
and then i hate myself for thinking so so much.
unnecessary stuffs, so so much.

and hey it's Charlie's month.
can't wait for the movie.
i just pray that our cinema here has that movie if not i'm gonna jump.
had been waiting for so long and if i can't watch it on big screen or on the first day,
i will jump -.-

gosh i just want to escape.
to a far far away land,
i know no one, no one knows me.
to hide away from the reality,
from those friendly monster faces,
from people who will only know how to use you and to smile at you when they are alone.
(i mean when they are not alone,
you are not even a tiny sand to them, because they dont need you at all. yeah that kinda people. )
i just need that escape.
even just for a little while,
i'm happy, contended, secure.
that's what i'm good at.
or perhaps the only one thing i am good at.
i've been away and been back.
because i was fooled again and again.
oh that stupidity of mine.

3 more months.
seriously 3 more months,
i hope i have the strength to do so :)



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